o~hiyo!
woke up early as i thought there was sch but it seems sch only start at 4pm!
oh well, i spent whole morning downloading song, hohoho! but pls don come and catch me!
anyway i jus read through my past post and i think i really have a serious breakdown when i was typing that post so to clear the air..
okok i'm not angry
it's just that i just really miss everyone and i dearly want to hang out and spent time tgt
but "wo you xin wu li" as i was trap by exam which made me really furtrated.
PartThereFore i decided to rant endlessly on my blog. so pardon me cos i just wanna release the stress growing under my skin that was reaching for climax soon..
anyway it's a happy day today !~ and i hope it stays that way the whole day ^_^
This few months a lot really happened...
first i really feel sorry towards shanny for not being there when she is sad..sry girl
1)i'm tired. All this adds up and 1 most important thing is i made a wrong choice and i regret. i regret making my life turn out to be this way.
i just want to shut my eyes and just keep looking forward and hope to get out of this hell hole i'm in now this wrong step stucks everything out and away from me.
i need life i need change.
i donno but i feel i'm running in a total different direction from my beloved friends.
2)i have being having endless exam since 7june and haven been studying since 1june and now project are pouring in. Well my mum is happy that all this is cheating me off time of my life and cheating me off spenting time with my friends.
since all i have been doing this month is locked up in my room with books
and it's painful to feel so lonely and a slave of study
and i also feel so helpless for not being able to do anything and not knowing what happen to my friends. It make me feel guilty!
But i'm alr not happy to start with,i'm not happy but who to turn to..
at first i breakdown den i cried den i slowly realise i'm really in this alone nobody cares. i felt scare seriously.
This weird feeling that have been bothering me, i need care and concern but i don feel the love from parents or friends that i'm dying for!
all i get is :" is like that 1 life"." or haiya don care parents are like this".
either form both side they just tell me to don't care but how to?
is like having deep cuts on my skin and body, blood spilting out endlessly.
covered in wounds i trun to them, they look back and say just don't care about your wounded body let those cuts be there.. let the hurt be there, let it heal by itself..and as time pass i realise the cuts just get deeper the blood just keep spliting more and more.
i tried to ask for help, i took the first step even thought i'm hurt.
but what i got back what all this turn out to be...a lesson, a painfull lesson.
example i ask my dear close friend out actually tmr i wanna hang out i made the first move, i ytd ask her if we still meeting she told me her friend birthday is it really that important?
i don't know maybe to her..
i felt angry cos she never ask me out alway i'm the one asking and now this i already feel ver distance to them, i want a change i wanna make things better but in return i felt the coldness i feel so cold i wanna trun my back and turn away too.
i cannot take it anymore i ask her in a jk manner why she never ask me out and she say i also never talk to her den which part of me askin her 2 week ago let hang out sat? equal never asking her out. i don't talk to you? you don't even talk to me.
i finally understand we are of differnt world.we are walking different path and running different direction.
The problem lies with me is all because this weird feeling puling and pushing me.
All this wrong choice i have made i have to live with it, a pull and push tug war i'm battling inside of me.i truly feel helpless i wanna go out and let loose and breathe but at the same time i don't want to be alone.
i feel i need new goals keep moving on. All this, what is this? growing up? it make me so clueless..i want an ans to my life.
All this makes me feel like a freak!
i feel like a freak!
GD NIGHT! 
